I have spent 1 night in the past year away from my kids. Worse, it has been 4 years since my husband and I went away alone together to reconnect and relax. Now I know there are lots of parents out there with much longer records than that (either by choice or by necessity), but I am not in the group that chooses non-stop parenting for years on end. I love/need a vacation. It revitalizes me and helps me miss my kids rather than resent the endless demands of motherhood. It reminds me that I actually like my husband rather than just work beside him in the sweatshop that is raising children.
One would think that it would be harder to get away when your children are small, but for me it is the opposite. With young kids (and younger grandparents…no offense Mom/Dad) the majority of the effort in getting away was managing the logistics and the schedules of the adults in the mix. For years Steve and I were able to sneak off quite regularly. So where did it all go wrong?
Well for one, the kids now can express (loudly and succinctly) how you leaving will stress them out, upset them, and generally piss them off. They have learned the art of emotional blackmail and are not afraid to use it. Secondly, the kids now have elaborate schedules requiring transport/coordination/planning which is a lot to put on someone watching them. To make things more difficult, since we have moved to Philadelphia my parents live half the year 6 hours away and the other half in Florida, taking them out of the child care assist equation. Add to that a kid with Asperger’s (Autism) for whom management is much more complex than it was when he was small and all of a sudden roadblocks abound when thinking of a grown-ups only vacation.
Yet I have to acknowledge my own role in braiding the rope used to tie me down to hearth and home. As one of the adults around here, partial responsibility for the chaos that has been our lives for the past few years falls on me. We have had to move several times and the resulting instability has shaken me, making me cling to routine and home to calm my own anxiety. That becomes a very slippery slope because the less you get away, the more difficult it is for the children to accept your absence and the harder it gets for you to feel comfortable about leaving. Not good…not good at all.
So what is a Mom to do? Do I book a non-refundable trip for Steve and me to force my hand? Do I run away by myself to at least release the pressure of non-stop child rearing? Where would I go? What would I do? Spa retreat? Dig ditches in a Third World Country? Hotel with room service? Join an ashram? Go some place with a pool and fruity drinks? Hmmm. I’m not sure. But one thing I do know is that if Momma doesn’t get a vaca soon, things could go from ugly to downright monstrous around here. Jo Family…don’t say you have not been warned.
Postcards From My Guilt Trip 
First of all, you need to know I stumbled upon your site because your title caught my eye. It is simply fantastic! Then, I started reading your post, and I immediately connected with you. My husband and I are just two weeks from taking a weekend getaway together and it’s been, get this, four years. Sounds like my kids are younger, but I definitely get the stress of trying to get away. Oh, and wouldn’t you know, one of my boys has autism too. They don’t dole out labels of Asperger’s anymore, but that’s likely the label he would get. At any rate, I’m glad I found you and look forward to reading more. 🙂
Great one! I love your writing! Sometimes if you can fit in a lunch with hubby, it helps, but now that you’re into summertime, that’s probably off the table. Even packing a basket of a bottle of wine and goodies, and getting to a nearby bed and breakfast for a night with your spouse is worth it, and just the ticket! If you are in Philly, then Amish Country is right around the corner, and so are some great B n B’s. Often, local folks will give you a discount if you tell them you are neighbors. College kids are home, so you might be able to get that overnight if you pick the right person. I’ve also been known to beat it out of town on my own, and it’s well worth it!